Friday, February 27, 2009

Filmdoom Exclusive: The Neverending Story Chronicles Volume I: Atreyu's Curse


Through my network of Hollywood spies, I've managed to obtain a copy of the treatment for the Neverending story remake that was recently green-lit. It actually sounds pretty good. It's just a treatment, not a script, but it seems like it's keeping pretty much the same overall tone of the original film, while also staying true to the book. Here are a few excerpts:

------

BASTIAN charges through the door, having just lost the bullies back in the alley. BASTIAN is in his mid-20's. Tall, very good looking, with hair like an anime character. He wears a long-sleeved thermal shirt with a stylish knit shirt over it. He looks like he could be in a popular band. Think Panic! At The Disco. BASTIAN looks around. He seems to be in some kind of strange otherworldly video store.

------

BASTIAN locks the door of the storage room above the nightclub. He takes out the shiny mini-DVD the old man at the video store gave him. It shines weirdly in the laser light reflecting up into the window from the dance floor below. 'The Neverending Story, huh? Sounds like some kind of lame kiddie movie.' BASTIAN slides the mini-disc into his IPOD VIDEO PLAYER and inserts the earbuds.

------

ATREYU gallops into the palace, riding his cyborg-stallion ARTAX. ATREYU is in his mid-20's, really good looking, rippling with muscles, bronze and slick with sweat. Maybe we can get Shia Lebeouf to play him. He wears a skin-tight black leather outfit and carries a wicked looking samurai sword sheathed across his back. A bright red scar bisects one eyebrow and snakes up into his close-cropped blonde hair. Tribal tattoos adorn his arms and glow magically in the flickering torchlight. ATREYU stands in the saddle and dismounts with an amazing double-backflip, landing near the throne of the CHILDLIKE EMPRESS.

The CHILDLIKE EMPRESS is a staggeringly beautiful blonde in her early 20's. She wears a brightly shining silver ringmail bikini, which shows off her long, tan legs and ample cleavage. As she turns to whisper in the ear of her chamberlain, ATREYU catches a glimpse of the CHILDLIKE EMPRESS's tattoo, a tramp stamp, also vaguely tribal and glowing in the torchlight.

ATREYU: You sent for me, Empress?
CHILDLIKE EMPRESS: I wasn't sure you'd come.
ATREYU (with a wry smile): After our last date, how could I not?
CHILDLIKE EMPRESS: That wasn't a date! I just wanted to have a little fun before I accepted the crown. And you were convenient.
ATREYU (suddenly angry): Enough. What do you want?
CHILDLIKE EMPRESS: Fantasia is threatened with utter destruction by a magical force we've never encountered before. Those who have witnessed it call it 'the Nothing'. I need you to find out what this Nothing is and how to stop it.
ATREYU: Why the hell should I?
CHILDLIKE EMPRESS: A moment ago one of my servants fed your beloved Artax a poisoned sugar cube.
ATREYU (drawing his samurai sword): YOU BITCH!
CHILDLIKE EMPRESS: SILENCE! It is a slow poison. Artax will be fine for another... week at least. After that, without the antidote which only I possess, Artax will die an agonizing death. I'm sorry, Atreyu. I had to be sure you would help us.
ATREYU (flexing his muscles): You'll give me the antidote...
(50 soldiers in black suits of armor covered in spikes appear behind the throne.)
CHILDLIKE EMPRESS: You'll get the antidote when you defeat the Nothing.
ATREYU: Well, it seems like I have no choice. Fine. I'll defeat your Nothing. But first, I need something from you.
CHILDLIKE EMPRESS: Anything.
ATREYU: The Shotgun of Sorrows. If I'm to fight a creature powerful enough to destroy our world, I need a weapon powerful enough to even the playing field.

-----

After the huge action-packed battle with MORLA, the beautiful witch who could transform into an even more beautiful golden dragon, ATREYU is slowly sinking into the bog of the Swamp of Sadness. Just as his head slides beneath the mud, a giant claw reaches down and saves him! It is FALCOR! FALCOR is an acid-breathing green LUCK DRAGON, sent by the CHILDLIKE EMPRESS to make sure ATREYU didn't skip out on their arrangement.

ATREYU: Wha-Who?
FALCOR: Name's Falcor. I'm the Luck Dragon the Empress sent to keep an eye on you and make sure you did what you were told. But since you were stupid enough to get your little horse killed, I guess I have to actually help you out, or we're all doomed.
ATREYU: Go to hell, you bastard.
FALCOR: Hahaha!

------

BASTIAN takes a bite of his 12" SUBWAY SANDWICH and washes it down with some RED BULL. He is about to take another bite, but pauses.

BASTIAN: No. Not too much. we've still got a long way to go.

------

As ATREYU approaches, he gets a better look at the SOUTHERN ORACLE. The SOUTHERN ORACLE is a giant 100-foot-tall statue of two beautiful women in bikinis, with their arms around eachother, seemingly about to kiss. As he nears the statue, the words of his teacher, ENGYWOOK the GREY NINJA, run through his head. 'You must be pure of heart, Atreyu. You must show no fear.' As he gets closer, ATREYU slowly pulls the shotgun of Sorrows from its holster. Eyeing the SOUTHERN ORACLE cautiously, ATREYU slides shells from his bandolier and loads the Shotgun. The SOUTHERN ORACLE's eyes begin to open! An evil light shines behind the eyelids! ATREYU knows he's only got a second to decide what to do before the SOUTHERN ORACLE's lasers burn him to ash. Smiling cruelly, he aims the Shotgun of Sorrows and pulls the trigger.

------

The black cloud swirls like an evil vortex, devouring the land. ATREYU climbs up the jagged cliff to safety as FALCOR clashes with G'MORK, high above. G'MORK is a gigantic black demon with hideous bat wings, breathing magical purple fire and firing lasers from his eyes. FALCOR seems to be holding his own, until suddenly G'MORK's claws tear through one of FALCOR's leathery wings! With a cry of despair, FALCOR drops out of the sky, falling into the vortex below. He is gone. G'MORK turns his eyes on ATREYU, who is just now crawling over the cliff edge. G'MORK lands on the cliff, not far from where ATREYU sits panting.

G'MORK: I see you've lost your shotgun. A pity.
ATREYU: I don't need a shotgun, G'mork. For there is a powerful being watching over us that can destroy you with barely a thought.
G'MORK: Oh, how scary. And what is the name of this being who can kill me so easily?
ATREYU: His name is... BASTIAN!

BASTIAN gasps, and looks around the storage room. The music from the nightclub starts pumping even louder, the laser lights shining more brightly.

BASTIAN: Me? Is he talking about ME?!

ATREYU: I need your help, BASTIAN! Come show this demon how we do things downtown!

BASTIAN: But... but I can't! My dad told me to keep both feet on the ground!

ATREYU: Goddammit, Bastian! Get your ass in here or so help me, I'll kick your tail from here to Rock Biter City!!
G'MORK: Enough of this foolishness! Now you die, Atreyu!!

G'MORK slashes out with his black tail, spearing ATREYU through his shoulder!

BASTIAN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Leave him alone!!

Suddenly, BASTIAN is standing on the cliff next to ATREYU! G'MORK pulls his tail out of ATREYU's shoulder and howls!

G'MORK: Where did YOU come from?!

BASTIAN hugs ATREYU and softly lays him on the ground. ATREYU's eyes are open, but he's barely breathing.

ATREYU: What took you so long?
BASTIAN (tears slide from his eyes): I got held up in traffic. Oh, Atreyu, I'm so sorry. I didn't, I couldn't believe... How could I have known you were real?
ATREYU: It doesn't matter, Bastian. You're here now. Fulfill your destiny.
BASTIAN: But how? I'm just a kid. I don't even have any weapons.
ATREYU: Yes you do, Bastian. You always have.

BASTIAN looks confused, but then he starts glowing with a beautiful silver light. Something appears in his hands. It's some sort of weapon, 4 feet long, shining silver and looking extremely powerful.

BASTIAN: What is it?
ATREYU: It's your spirit weapon. The Bazooka of Inner Light. I... I don't think I'm going to make it. (cough) It's been an honor, Bastian. Don't worry about me. I'm going to join Artax now. Just promise me... promise you won't let Fantasia be destroyed without a fight.
BASTIAN: I promise, my friend. Rest now.

But ATREYU is already dead. BASTIAN closes ATREYU's eyelids and, with a grim look on his face slowly turns to G'MORK.

BASTIAN: You'll pay for that, you son of a bitch.
G'MORK: You're no match for me, boy!
BASTIAN: The name's Bastian.

BASTIAN raises the Bazooka of Inner Light to his shoulder as G'MORK rises into the air, screaming.

BASTIAN: Goodnight, sweetheart.

BASTIAN smiles and pulls the trigger.

------


If they stick to the treatment, this is going to be an awesome remake.

5 comments:

  1. The Bazooka of Inner Light. Fuck yeah.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. poisoned sugar cube. heehee. The remake will only be good if this is it's treatment.

    ReplyDelete
  4. sorry I kinda want to see this version. i bet Bastian would be hot.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Loved the product placement, nice touch!!

    ReplyDelete