Filmdoom: The Gate 2: The Trespassers (1990)

-=[I don't think there are any spoilers in this review. I could be wrong.]=-

The Plot: Post-pubescent Terry's back and he wants to harness the evil power of the gate to make his dad not be such a drunk loser. Can post-pubescent Terry control the power of the gate? And now that post-pubescent Terry is post-pubescent, will he become a Dracula and beat up Wesley Snipes Like post-pubescent Stephen Dorff did? I hope so.

Kickass: Just like part one, the special effects are really sweet. When there are special effects. The little demon guy looks perfect, all the stop-motion animation is brilliant and the monster make-up looks swell. I only wish there was more of it.


In the beginning, post-pubescent Terry goes to prepubescent Stephen Dorff's old house from part one and tries to open the gate again. He's got loudspeakers for chanting magic spells into, a high-tech computer system and a pentagram made of lasers! If I had a pentagram made of lasers, people would finally start taking me seriously.


The chick that played the chick is totally Bobby Hill. I don't really like King of the Hill, but that's still pretty cool. I recognize her from lots of TV shows, most recently Boston Legal (which is a great show because Captain Kirk and Tuff Turf are in it). She's done an assload of voice work, including some kickass classic videogames like Grim Fandango, Escape From Monkey Island and Fallout. And she played a Mcnugget once in a Ronald McDonald cartoon. I would like to cover her in honey mustard.


The little demon guy is still very much the shit and very much awesome looking. Post-pubescent Terry keeps him in a cage half the movie and he looks totally real. This is why practical effects will always own CGI. When a practical effect looks great, I sit around wondering how they pulled it off. When a CG effect looks great, I know it's just photoshop. When a practical effect looks shitty, it's really funny. When a CG effect looks shitty... actually, they usually look shitty. Funny how it costs a jillion times more than making a realistic looking puppet or doing stop-motion and blue screen correctly, yet usually looks totally boring. Fuck Jurassic Park in the face.



Meh: Remember how in part one, there was almost no downtime and it was non-stop monkey business? Yeah, not so much in this one. In fact, it's mostly downtime. During the first big scene, when post-pubescent Terry is all opening the gate and the other kids show up and start fucking around, I thought, "Hell yeah, instant action! It's gonna be non-stop!" Sadly, I was wrong. Instead I got plenty of post-pubescent Terry being mopey at home, post-pubescent Terry and Bobby Hill having conversations, post-pubescent Terry and Bobby Hill having discussions, post-pubescent Terry and Bobby hill discussing conversations. It's like My Dinner With Andre. Well, not that bad, but what I'm saying is there's too much talking and not enough monstering. I mean, it's still an entertaining movie and all, I like the main characters, but it's just way too much yapping and not enough stabbing.



Shitass: There's barely any monsters, no possessed house and almost zero actual gate action. The gate actually doesn't show up until the very end of the movie. It's super cool looking and stuff, but you shouldn't make a sequel to the gate if nobody's going to have an evil gate in their backyard. Everybody knows that. And there's only ever ONE little demon! The little demons were like the best part of the first gate. What the hell, dude? It's like if someone made another Critters movie and there's only one critter and they keep him in a shoebox. Who the fuck wants to see that?


The two idiot greaser friends of Bobby Hill are the most annoying, shitty acting, sucky lame things in the picture. The head greaser seems like he's going out of his way to act as badly as possible. The runner-up greaser has this retard look on his face and giggles through the entire thing, and not in a good way. Head greaser even managed to ruin the best line in the movie because he sucks so much. He had just referred to Terry as Larry and runner-up greaser corrected him. Then he says, "Excuse me. So he's got a faggot's name instead of an asshole's name." You've got to be super lame to make that line not sound awesome. He also tortures the second best line in the movie. "Demons, man. Who needs chicks when you got demons?"



The End: The end is a lot of fun. Unfortunately, that's mostly because of the lack of monsters and cool stuff in the hour that precedes the end. But it's still pretty fun. You finally get to see the gate we've been hearing so much about, most everyone turns into a monster and someone finally gets stabbed.





Verdict: It's worth watching if you liked The Gate part one. It could have been a shitload better though. It needed more little demons, more mayhem, more screaming teenagers, a fucked up house and a gate in someone's backyard. And some post-pubescent Stephen Dorff. And Wesley Snipes. Other than that, it was okay.


[p.s. If you do actually watch this picture, be sure and watch through the end of the credits. Especially if you're an animal lover. It will make you feel all warm inside.]
[CLICK HERE to read my kickass review of The Gate!]