Filmdoom: Hansel & Gretel (2008)

-=[There are no spoilers in this review]=-

The Plot: A Korean guy crashes his car while driving through a mysterious forest. He ends up at a weird ass house with a weird ass family and a bunch of creepy weird shit happens.



Kickass: It's difficult to think of something that deserves to be in the "Kickass" portion. I mean, it's a pretty cool movie, but... it's Korean. Korean movies are typically really slow. I mean reeaallly slow. H&G wasn't as slow as some Korean movies I've seen, but it's still pretty fucking slow. But it's good.

All the actors are pretty great. The kids do a good job, especially the youngest daughter. She's like a Korean Dakota Fanning or something. The main guy has this dead-eyed look on his face through the whole thing that's awesome. Then these other people come in later and they're really cool.

It's a pretty damn creepy movie. It's not technically a horror movie, but it'll still give you heebies and jeebies, especially when it decides to let you in on a scrap of the backstory every once in a while. The house is super weird and the cartoon the kids watch is fucking bananas. I wish I could see the whole cartoon. It's basically just this bunny or something that keeps pulling body parts off of a sheep or something. Bonkers.



Meh: It's a Korean movie. There are lots of Korean movies I really enjoy, but that doesn't make them any less boring. H&G is never truly "boring", but it's as slow as your grandpa trying to figure out how to program the DVR he got for christmas. But it's good.

I would have liked it if the explanation for all the weirdness had made more sense. Granted, I was super tired and nodding off a bit through the last half (Korean movie plus beer, I couldn't help it), but I never really fell asleep, so I'm pretty sure I didn't miss much. The explanation it supplied seemed to leave more than a few unanswered questions. What they showed was really cool, but a lot of it didn't make any sense, or was explained in a flashback during another flashback with the present cut in at the same time in the middle of a very tense scene. Normally I would put this stuff in the "Shitass" portion, but... it's a Korean movie. I'm lucky they actually attempted to explain any of the shit that went on.



Shitass: It's a Korean movie. Really fucking slow. Not slow enough to turn it off, but slow enough to wish I would turn it off sometimes. I shouldn't even say this in this portion, because it's still good most of the time. But yeah, it's pretty fucking slow. Have I already said that? It's also two hours long.

Certain characters end up doing some horrible things in this picture, but the hero guy has to still like them at the end. The movie did a pretty shit job of showing how the guy can know they did horrible things, but still like them. And by shit job I mean it didn't even try.

It's sort of a rip off of an american movie. The american movie (you'll know which one I'm talking about if you watch this probably) did what this movie did, just a shit-ton faster and was non-stop fun. I doubt they meant to rip off the american movie, but it's eerily similar and not nearly as awesome.



The End: Unsatisfying. While it did actually try to explain things, I don't feel it quite managed what it was going for. The whole climax was really cool, really dramatic and exciting, but it just didn't work as well as I'd have liked after being half-bored and half-entertained for two hours. It could have used an explosion or a giant monster or tits or something.

Verdict: It's a Korean movie. I liked it. Sometimes it was boring, but a lot of times it was fun and super creepy. The ending wasn't perfect, but it was still pretty cool. Definately worth a rental, but lay off the beer or you'll never stay awake through the whole thing.