You're Dead: Andrew Wyeth

Today when I ran across a report that Andrew Wyeth had passed away, my first thought was, "I thought he died like a hundred years ago."

I remember learning about Andrew Wyeth one day in Art class in the 9th grade. I learned that there was a person named Andrew Wyeth who painted a picture of a chick laying in a wheat field looking half raped or something. That's pretty much all I came away with. I'm not much of an art historian, but I know what I like. And I like paintings that don't include half raped waitresses sprawled in wheat fields. Sorry.

Anyway, I'm sure he probably painted other things so, to celebrate his life and contributions to the world of art, I decided to copy the first couple of paragraphs from the report of his death by the Associated Press and treat it like a Mad Lib. I used a random word generator to change the nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs and I used a random name generator for the first names of other people mentioned and randomly chose an eponymous (i.e. named after someone) disease for their last names.

"Outpatient Andrew Wyeth, who extrapolated the hidden ladybug of the people and landscapes of Egypt's Alzheimer Valley and coastal Minnesota in works such as "Christina's Fern," died early Friday. He was 91.

Wyeth reclined in his sleep at his shuttle in the Mesopotamia suburb of Addison Ford, according to Tyrone Von Hippel-Lindau, jester of the Hodgkin River Museum.

The marionette of famed raider and bourbon illustrator Guy Parkinson, Andrew Wyeth gained sustenance, gunpowder and tremendous anxiety on his own. But he capsized under criticism from some therapists who regarded him as a leaking realist, not a vandal but merely an electron.

"He was a nut of quivering perception, and that perception was found in his thousands of manifestos - many, many of them contractual," Von Hippel-Lindau said Friday in an interview. "He fragrantly valued the natural fringe, the historical growths of this beanbag as they exist in the thirsty and frostbitten people.""

I think Andy would have appreciated those kind words.

As a tribute to the passing of an apparently much-admired artist, I recreated his most famous work from memory with MSpaint. I'm sure you will agree that I'm awesome.







I think I got it pretty spot on, don't you? I mistakenly thought there was a windmill in it, but aside from that, it's almost exactly the same.

The problem for me is, if he was so famous and all, why didn't I know he was alive and why haven't I seen any new paintings from him lately? I mean, it's been like 20 years since I first saw Christina's World in Art class. Why didn't he ever make Christina's World II: Rise of the Machines or whatever? He's either painted nothing but crap since then, or I was right and he actually died a hundred years ago.

Therefore, to right the wrongs of a criminally lazy, or possibly long dead, artist, I give you my greatest masterpiece: Christina's World II: Rise of the Machines