Topless Robot, my favorite nerd blog, is having a contest this weekend. The prize is a kickass t-shirt covered in robots from ChopShopStore.com. I really want that t-shirt. To win, I must think up the best ever haiku about robots. Luckily, I can enter as many times as I want. Here are my entries:
started glowing red today
goodbye, human race
Iron Giant says,
"I am not a gun, Hogarth."
Fuck you, you're a gun.
So tell me, Hector
is that Harvey Keitel's voice?
He sounds like a twat.
The kid in A.I.
and Bicentennial Man:
Worst robots ever.
Why'd they ruin Gort
like they ruined Galactus?
Clouds are not scary.
Muffit the daggit
Boxey has a new best friend
there's a chimp inside
Tranzor's in trouble!
Send out Aphrodite-A!
Her tits are missiles!
August 29th,
Skynet became self aware.
Miles Dyson, you suck.
Robosapien
dances and does kung-fu moves.
Want my money back.
V.I.K.I. takes control
Spooner puts on his Converse
and says, "Aw, hell naw."
Most useless power,
twirling leaves around yourself.
I pity Woodman.
Up, up, down, down, left,
right, left, right, B, A, start. Pow!
30 lives, bitches!
Nobody likes him.
He's so lame--Oh, hey, Twiki.
Did not see you there.
I don't trust Bishop.
My last android freaked out and
his blood looked like jizz.
Cronyn and Tandy
tiny robots saved their home
wow, that movie sucked
Elle puts Stella in
suspended animation.
Then plays with her boobs.
Apollo shot down
200 Cylon raiders.
We killed Rick Springfield.
"What's your name, boy?"
"Data Analyzing Ro--
shit, I mean Daryl."
Gene Simmons is sad.
Tom Selleck killed his robot
spiders. Moustache win.
Sid 6.7
is made of Head & Shoulders
shampoo? What the fuck?
"Phased plasma rifle
in the 40-watt range, please."
"15 day wait, sir."
"Pardon me, sir, do
you have a dead cat in there
or what?" "Sorry, no."
"Nice night for a walk."
"Your clothes. Please give them to me."
"T'would be my pleasure."
ROBOT MONSTER IZ
ON UR PLANIT KILLIN ALL
UR DOODZ, K THX BAI
Dear Robot Santa,
You killed my parents last year.
Wanted to say thanks!
1-Rover-1 and
7-Zark-7 should both
burn in robot hell.
Hey there, Roy Batty.
Stop breaking my fingers, bro.
I like unicorns.
Sinistar hungers
never got to level two
this game fucking cheats
That’s all I got so far. The contest runs until monday night, so feel free to join in the fun. Don’t get your hopes up, though. I’m winning that motherfucking shirt.
UPDATE: I won that motherfucking shirt!! Awwwwwyeah!
Posts
OMG the Mega-Man haiku made me LOL and Oates all over the place. I've always thought Woodman was a fucking disgrace as end-of-level bosses go.
ReplyDeleteThe Starcrash one is also gold...I always wanted him to play with her boobs.
Well fucking done.
you won! Jacks the man. Thanks for showing me topless robot.
ReplyDelete